Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Awesome fun to be had with a switched off iPhone

A few days back, My iPhone died on me !! Blame it on the newly activated 3G in my mobile. So, there I was - waiting in the lobby with nobody to talk n with an iPhone on 1% charge and 45 mins of waiting to go. Mind went nuts.

The Sprinkle oil - Trinkle madness idea:
             iPhone's got an awesome glassy 3.5 inch screen. Not much use powered off ?! Think different.  Rub a little oil over the screen (tip - there is always some oil left in your forehead n nose :P)  and then the magic begins.
The glassy screen coupled with the oil immersion makes the screen a perfect slate !! You can write anything you want with your finger n tilt the phone to get a good angulation with a light source and see your writings sparkle in a thousand different colors against the black screen !! (Should I patent this awesome idea ?!)  
Your name, her/his name with a heart arrow symbol in the middle - you can keep on looking at it in different angles & different colors and you will never think about charging your iPhone ever :P

Use the built in spy cam:
        True fact !! iPhone comes with a built in spy cam. That too when the screen is off. Listen to me you dupid bugger Steve Jobs n market your product better !! 
For this procedure rub off all the oil from the previous procedure ( n with that her name too :(  ). Now, Find a cute gal nearby :P  Now remember this.. 
the angle of reflection is equal to the angle of incidence 
Tilt the iPhone n focus your screen in such a way that the light rays reflected from the cute gal falls directly on your iPhone screen. Ogle your way thro the rest of the waiting time :) 

For this spy cam action to work well - Sit in a position where the light source is infront of you (to pour light over the figure :P) n there are no lights to your back (to avoid the glare). Physics comes in really handy :P

The Fake Phone Call:

         Oldest trick in the book. But, still always works !! especially when the other people around you have now, by this time, after seeing u tilt n twist your phone, have concluded you as a weird dude. A fake phone call might bring some amount of normalcy to the scenario. Major Tip - Even if your iphone has only 1% charge, don't take a chance. 'Always in silent mode, when making a fake phone call'
 - Rule no. 1. You might also speak 'peter' engilish n confirm that you are a creepy guy or talk normally as you usually do to a friend.

The killer instinct:
         Now, that you've waited for some 50 mins and you're feeling the irritation n anger. So, now is the time to take a Gooood look at the iPhone architecture. The design behind the success n the innovation behind the sensation n try to find the weak spots in its design. Mind you - there are many !!  Think about what would be the ideal height n force, from where the iphone should be dropped so that it achieves the velocity of destruction n now... would be the time to go get a drink or to go for a walk. cos, indulging in any more of this thinking will get your iphone killed n athuku company porupagaathu !!

I hope by now, I've convinced you that I'm a better marketer that Stevie Jobs. Yup !! I can even sell a dead iPhone :P  ha ha... Enough of my mokka. Read n survive.


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

10 facts about me tag.

Okay okay. I know I've already done a couple of similar tags already.. But, I'm the king of my blog !! I write what I can :P   So, here goes...

10 facts about me:

1) I don't mind waiting to see someone. With an iPhone n 3G in it, I've even grown to love waiting. 

2) My friends say I like only super slim girls. based on my last 2 crushes from school & college - I'd have to say my friends know me best.

3) I never use the word 'Love'. 'Crush' is my friendly alternative to it. 

4) My biggest fear after I've completed my internship is - I might have HIV !! Second biggest fear - Hep B. Was exposed to a lotta blood during emergency times. No infected needle pricks though :P

5) I once scored 115 runs in a street cricket game. No one believes :(  me n my two cousins thrashed their under 11 team !!  We were under 13  :P

6) I hate tucking in my shirt !! Tucked out is cozy n comfy, though I look like a dork with a full hand tucked out shirt.

7) I am a pretty good liar. I lie thro my teeth facing directly at the person's eyes, with a face so innocent - everybody except my friends are suckers to my lies. :D

8) In my short life of omnivorism, I've eaten - chicken, fish, mutton, pork, camel, turkey, quail, prawn n shell fish.  No rabbits and deer  :(

9) I'll never stop wearing my glasses, even if I undergo a Laser correction.  I look good (only) with my spectacles. :)

10) I wrote this post in exactly 22 mins. Notice how every sentence begins with either 'I' or 'My' - I'm good when I'm narcissistic :P

Till tomorrow,

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Bleeding Blue - A medical analysis of all the mayhem

Everybody has the badges in their profile pics, Everybody tweets n puts a status update in FB at least once a day - "Bleed Blue". Do you know what it literally means ?!

Bleed Blue - Bleeding of blue colored blood. Who the fcuk said its not possible ?! One CAN bleed blue !! #TrueFact.  But of course one will be dead a long time before he can actually bleed blue :P

The hypothetical analysis of the 'Bleeding Blue' postulation:
  I'll make this short. To bleed blue, one needs to have blue blood first. Four conditions…

1) Hemocyanin - Where the blood is actually blue, cos of cyanin pigments n its a normal state in Arthropods. Not in humans. So, Rejected !!
2) Methemoglobinemia - Its not actually blue, kinda a bluish brownish colorish blood. :P caused by increased proportions of methemoglobin in blood. possible in humans
3) Cyanosis - This is not blue blood, its blue discoloration of skin caused  by less oxygen in tissues. So, Rejected !!
4) Feeling Blue - Blue is actually an emotion you know :P so metaphorically speaking, you can bleed blue. he he.. I know !! Rejected.

So, the only viable condition which can present blue blood in humans - Methemoglobinemia. It can be an acquired illness or a congenital one, meaning right from birth. Wikipedia link here.

So we've got blue blood now. But it needs to bleed, to complete the expression 'Bleeding Blue'. For blood to bleed outta blood vessels.. Two possible methods..

1) Trauma to the body n thus the blood vessels - Not gonna happen unless you're in the field playing cricket or watching the match near a srilankan n cursing "FCuk you MF'ing Srilankans" for every indian run !!
2) Bleeding n clotting disorders - LOTS of them are possible. None of them are a symptom or a co manifestation of Methemoglobinemia as far as i searched in Google..

So, We are stuck !! Blue blood n no bleeding !!  :(  Time to go postulating like My man Einstein. There is cricket, there are lots of runs n wickets, lots of emotions running high.. wholly dolly !!  what if we postulate that 'Heightened emotions' can somehow cause the bleed to occur.. Its more a plausible cause than Sachin being an alien n can make ppl infront of TV screens  bleed thro his awesomeness :P

So, we postulate that heightened emotions experienced during a cricket match is the root cause of bleeding. Lets say on periods of heightened emotions, mind can somehow act psycho-somatically n can actually cause a physical cut in the skin which makes the blue blood bleed. TADA !!  Voila !!  Case closed.

Case not closed - What are the side effects?! Can one can die of Bleeding blue ?!  theoretically - YES !!  :O  It depends on the number of episodes of heightened emotions you experience during a cricket match and the frequency n the length of each episode. Cos, For you to be dead bleeding blue - you need to get a lotta cuts in your body in a very little time, cos the bloody clotting factors may set in :P So be wary of bleeding blue.

Doctor's Advice - Don't wear a blue dress on the world cup finals day cos all the people ask you to wear it - to support india. Cos if you start bleeding blue.. the bleeding may go un-noticed and you may die of a hypovolemic shock !!  :P :P

Credits to @drongotweet and @ikarthik_  for giving me the inspiration to write this :P

Enough of my mokkai... Hope India wins today, we all die bleeding blue n the Indian population finally becomes a manageable sum :D