Monday, December 14, 2009

Galfriend gyaan I've received in my college lyf...

A friend of mine from school called me a few days back. This was how a part of the conversation went...

HE - "So, How many ??"  (he giggles)
ME - "Errr.... how many what ??"
HE - "How many NOW man ??  Got any ??" (once again that irritating giggle..)
Me - "What the heck are you blabbering about da DOG"
HE - "You knowwww..."  (I could feel him nodding his head at the other end of the line)

Basically what the stupid dude is trying to get outta my mouth is how many girlfriends I've got... lols. I said I don't have any (like there's any kinda mystery in it. nah.. everybody knows it)  but, he didn't believe n kept on interrogating me. This torture went on for another 3 minutes... Ugh..

So, for the other people who are limping thro their relationship journey happily/sadly  with crippled theories about  love... I present  them with these valuable piece of love philosophies told to me by persons who had first hand experience in luuuve... Its called "The Galfriend Gyaan".

  • When you guys start your first year of college, don't sink your heads into those friggin books. Keep your head high n survey the herd (gals side of the class) and pick out the prime ones and get on board quickly. Cos' by the time the first class trip is arranged, everyone of em gals, will be 'corrected' and you would be 'the weirdo guy who doesn't talk to gals'. Once a weirdo... always a weirdo.  -  A senior told this to our group on the eve of the day scholar's day.  TRUE THAT !!

Its okay... So, You missed out on your first year. No biggie !! Cos in the next few years, You are the senior in college.

  • Every cute fresher girl, on her first year of college, has a limited period of availability. The senior who makes the most outta that window of opportunity, gets into a short but exciting relationship. ( Eventually the girl gets bored n finds a guy from her own batch. 'No problemo senorita t'was fun while it lasted' thinks the senior ) - This was actually formulated in my mind while havin a rather interesting convo with Arul about a cutie pie junior gal who has had as many boyfriends as her years in the college.

Oh... So, You are like me... Had no luck 'as' a fresher n had no luck 'with' a fresher...  Welcome to the club n listen to Shiva's gyaan.

  • Its like Distance leads to enchantment. People without a GF want one... while, people on other side with a GF feel to get outta it  n be a freelancer (??) with no commitments, n unnecessary emotional sequences where u got to project u like that girl, that u care for her ;when u really don't. - Shiva  (This actually feels like a great advice to soothe your mind... but on some level it feels like he is just bragging a little.. knowing the guy, He probably did !! :P  )

But, what if love had struck you n failed in it...?? thats when this guy turns up with his gyaan.

  • எல்லாம் மாயை டா... பொண்ணுங்க ரொம்ப விவரம்... தேவை இல்லாட்டி கழட்டி  விட்டுட்டு போய்ட்டே இருப்பாங்க... (Everything is like a mirage dude... Don't trust gals... Love is 'use n throw' for them)  -  Said by my best bud Pranesh. Nope, he is not drunk or high on drugs... Nopes, he aint 45 yrs old !!  But still platinum advice to heal your mind.

(Huh.. how about that... thinking so much, I couldn't find a single relationship advice I've got from Ganapathy, The college's mass lover !! The man with 5 stars (each star denoting each GF) Then I realised 'empty vessels make more noise'  he ain't empty !!  THE LEGEND !!  )

P.S. - So much for the relationship gyaan... Love is what Love ain't (I made this up just now !! ). For everyone its new... for everyone its different. :)

Monday, December 7, 2009

I'm starting to feel 'it'...

It's the december of the year and I'm starting to feel 'it'. The timelines have started.  :(  (for those who are confused, pls read below.)

This is the time of the year (2 months before the univ exams) when I start to play three altogether different characters SIMULTANEOUSLY !!

The Characters:
1) The Loner
2) The Beggar
3) The Addict

The Timeline of The Loner:

Every one of my classmates would leave me behind (Soo typical of em) and would have already started getting friends with 'The Five Big Fat Assholes'. Those five assholes being Davidson, Bailey, Ghai, Mudhaliar and Shaw, the guys who wrote the text books for final year MBBS subjects.

Thus begins my lonely paddle boat journey across the River of Thousand Deaths, through the Valley of Exam Anxiety. This journey is like Influenza(common cold). Easy to diagnose, with no valid treatment. You gotta live through the constant ache to get it over with.

I mostly never call any of my friends during this time, cos being friends with 'The Five Big Fat Assholes' kinda rubs off on them. They too become assholes in my view. Pravin is the only guy whom I can call at this time, cos he is always paddling nearby me in the journey. Its only in the last phase of the journey, he goes full-throttle on the paddles n gets far ahead of me. Pranesh takes an altogether different path of hyper crazy n hyper religious, Nobody knows where he is or what he does during this time of the year.

I paddle alone in this journey and I go to war alone n under-prepared.

The Timeline of The Beggar:

We have to beg for the fucking 'attendance' to get our clearance for the exams. Thank God !! In this timeline I'm not alone and I've a vast degree of experience. Yup, most of my friends fall into the pit of 'attendance-lack' and we will be doing this begging for four years in a row this time... :)  sooo much of valuable experience !!

But still, the begging sucks. To every department HOD, professor and even clerks n registrars sometimes. Every year they've let us go for the exams after constant begging. Hope this year it happens the same.

Whats more annoying than the begging is, a few of my friends who enjoy as much as me during the academic year, maintain a  80 % attendance !! Ganapathy n Shiva come in this category. They come to nearly all the noon shows to movies, yet somehow they properly maintain their friggin attendance !! Traitors.

The Timeline of The Addict:

Needless to say, in order to survive 'The three butchers of joy'(the stress, the loneliness and the guilt), I usually make myself get addicted to certain things n try to forget the butchers. no no no !! I don't drink or take drugs or eat a lotta junk. My addiction is far more evil and far more enticing. Movies and TV series.

Think about it,
1) I'm kinda a movie n tv series freak
2) They cost nothing n are easily available (unlimited download you see..)
3) They are available right at my room and nobody else has to know about the addiction !! *wicked smile*

My iMac never gets switched off and will be continuously downloading all the evil in the world (ie., movies n TV). I would be seeing as much as 5 movies per day !! n have finished entire seasons of TV series on a stretch !! As I said, ADDICTED.

Thats it about the 3 characters/ghosts of exam time.

So, why am I starting to feel 'it' ?? Cos I've already started living one of the characters, 'The addict'. Saw 9 episodes of How I Met Your Mother and 8 episodes of The Big Bang Theory, in the last 2 days... 'The begger' will show up when the attendance registers are dusted off and 'The Loner' will have to wait until january of 2010.

P.S. - "Errr... where the fuck are the timelines u said abt??" You may ask. Wait For It. Oh yeah, there is one more post, equally depressing n more pathetic than this one coming up with detailed timelines of all the three characters... :P