Friday, June 26, 2009

10:15 AM , Friday - June 26

Just a few updates from my diary...

--> Been completely lazy n leisured for the past 2 weeks. Needed this break after the hectic medicine postings... Didn't attend a single class of STD posting... hope they dont mind. Also didn't even touch my books in this 10 days. Just de-stressing...

--> Met up with a bunch of my school friends in VOC stadium... had kind of a nice time... All of em have just finished their engineering courses. They are more free n vetti than me... One of my frens Balaji got placed in IIM. Congrats to him. Went for his treat...
--> I've got two reunions this weekend. From two of my schools. Rosemary reunion on saturday n CKT reunion on sunday.... I think i'll attend CKT Reunion. Havent met most of them for more than 6 yrs... lookin forward to it...
Update: met up with Dinesh n Barathi. They haven't changed a bit (ofcourse dinesh has grown fat :-) )... Dinesh is still a little short tempered n speaks everything outta his mind and Barathi is still barathi... loved meeting em up..



--> Planning to go to T4- Salvation by noon today. Both my school friends n coll mates are coming. I'm pretty much pumped up... Update: T4 rocks...

--> My college is hosting an Inter-medicals cultural event - Infiniti '09. I'm not a big fan of these cultural events. But will go for that anyways... Hoping to see some cute gals up there. :-p

--> I've changed my profile pic in most of the sites where I'm active... The last pic was one of my fav ones. makes me look thin n cute... The new pic was taken in an escalator by my bro-in law.



to



--> Saw a movie called Grosse Pointe Blank. John Cusack movie. liked it very much, was comic at times...

--> Woke up early today to find that Michael Jackson had died yesterday due to a cardiac arrest. I'm not that big a fan of him. So, not feeling that sad over his demise. He was an intriguing personality... People will miss him...

So, lots of things happenin in this week...

Cheers ,
Arun Kumar.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Suicides Have No Coffin






A bullet through his head...thats how it all ended...
Puncturing the cranium , Lacerating the meninges and grey matter....finally disintegrating 'her memories' from the core of his hippocampus ....

His story is simple and uncomplicated...
He loved her... She didn't ....He stalked her ... She humiliated him.... He was crushed ... He found solace in his pistol....

Alone in the dark ... he woke up... feeling cold and wretched... separated from his anatomy... but still married to the memories of her... He thought he had fenced off her memories by putting his heart to rest... but now he is more merged with her memories than ever being amalgamated with his soul... he couldn't free himself of the pain in his heart... he smiled... does he still have one ??

He wandered hopelessly on all the streets of his dear little town....crossed states... crossed borders... trying to find his portal to hell...

Time passed....
He ran-out of streets to wander... finally found his way home... he was still muddled with thoughts of her... he knew he must face her... to absolve himself of her thoughts...

He reached the street , he liked the most... her home in it... where in the park bench , once he always sat , waiting to see her face... waiting for yet another humiliation... during his mortal days...

Gates and doors couldn't stop him now... he reached her room...
There lay his angel... still strikingly beautiful and pale... naked and safely confined in another man's arms... He never has had such a rush of pain and anger even during his mortal days , even when she rejected him , even when she humiliated him... as if the inner core of his soul was burning... He couldn't take it anymore...

He gave a deafening cry... and with his cold , stabbing hand... pierced her pale torso and squeezed the heart which he once loved so dearly...


PS - Hope its good ... :-)

The Decision



Best friends from high school to now... Me and Cecil...


We shared, we laughed, we fought, we copied, we lied, we were great friends...



And now he loved...Eva... the love was mutual...

The problem.... I've grown a huge crush on her...

I can't act normal around them nowadays. I space out , I act awkwardly , i make lame jokes....

So i decided a simple solution...Run and Hide... I kept my distance from them...



And he noticed... ofcourse he would...



Cecil "How have you been nowadays ?? haven't seen you in a while da..."

Me "I'm pretty good...been busy with seminars da..I f@#king hate seminars..."

Cecil "Hmmm...yeah I know...So, why are you avoiding me ?? "



Its very Cecil...always on the money...direct to the point...



Me "what...?? no...." I lied...

Cecil "We've been friends for what?? 7 years now... I can tell da....you've been staying away.. and frankly i'm worried...."

Me "Nothing like that da...just been busy and lazy...will come to your place by tonight.. "

Cecil "Don't try to act normal...Does this have something to do with Eva ?? "



Oops.... he knows ??

I was speechless...

ewwww...Pause.... Awkward silence...

He was the first to speak....



Cecil "You don't like her ?? "

I was still silent...

Cecil "She is a great girl da... I've never felt this way with any other girl... You'll grow to like her..."



Yeah...thats been the problem... I 'like' her a little too much...



Cecil "Come around the block by evening da... street guys are having a cricket match... Don't worry... she won't be there... we'll eat somewhere out... "



I just made an uneasy smile guaranteeing my presence there...



I reached home and exercised my thoughts... Me and Cecil... Had a lotta great moments together...



And now our friendship seems to be at the edge... cause I'm being all 'lovey-dovey' over his girl and can't get over it... But this thing , whatever it is...is rocking our friendship....

Giving up my love (or whatever it is) is certainly gonna hurt me... but Cecil will always be there to help me through... But losing him... will ... I dunno... I didn't even want think about it... I will irrevocably lose a huge part of me which i've cherished for a long time...



I've made my decision...

P.S - Been writing only dark content lately.... So just a simple post on Friendship in a lighter mood...Hope its good... :-)

Saturday, June 20, 2009

My Bizarre Theorem - Poetic n what not...

So... Many of you may not understand this following write... pls dont blame me... This was conceived in split seconds by a few bright sparks from my unused neurons...
Two of my dear friends Aibu n Algin had a slight misunderstanding... Aibu couldn't keep his mouth shut... Hurtful words... same story...

In the middle of this... me, gana, henith n arul were taunting Aibu... makin him feel guilty... I was as usual puttin mokkai... n suddenly came up with this brilliant/stupid theorem..

The Theorem:

Painful Words piled in his heart , Long time

Propelled by sudden burst of emotions,

Like an emboli after Atrial fibrillation...

Poison from his Left ventricles, pumped upped his aorta

Crossing the blood brain barrier...

Stimulating his motor and sensory speech areas

Neuro toxins converted to electrical stimuli...

Electrical stimuli progressing through the neurons...

Articulating the peripheral muscles in his tongue...

Into sound energy... Poison from his articulated tongue...

Sinful words, Never to be taken back.

Making his dear friend globally aphasic...

P.S. - he he... used a lotta metaphors n medical and physical terms... also tried to bring in a feel of poetry... Thus inking My bizarre theorem...

Saturday, June 13, 2009

IAM ALIVE......


Yaaaay.... Finally... This dreaded weak has come to an end... n a happy end it is... kinda did well in the clinical exams... atleast i didn't get scolded by the profs... big achievement....

Stressful week... had to complete 20 case sheets in record by last saturday... started writing it this sunday n finished it by thursday .... my hands were literally shakin at the end of my 20th case sheet... i wrote 15 cases non stop... some 90 pages...  phewww...

Had clinical exam today... wanted to prepare well for it... made big plans for that... as usual...

--> Refrained from blogging...
--> Didn't see a single movie...
--> Only went out with friends once... for swimming... 

Yet the plan was a HUGE FLOP......

Started seeing FRIENDS season 3 by sunday finished season 9 by yesterday evening... of course the DVD got struck a lotta times... so only was able to see 10 episodes or so in each season..  :-(  

wanted to start studying atleast after yesterday evening... ended up seeing 'old school' movie...went to sleep by 10:30...
Woke up at 1:30 AM ... my heart beating at 120 beats per minute... only 6 more hours to exam... n im starting from nothing... Adrenalin rush....
Continued my nervous studying till 6:30 n went for the exam... did really well in presenting long case to the chief (dunno how i did that...answers started pouring outta my mouth...Thank god i got a cardiac system case...my fav system...)... was really bad in short case n spotter to asst profs... they didnt mind...

12:15 PM  Came outta medicine posting with a biiiiiig smile in my face....  phewww... 3 months of non stop hell... 

THE END.... 

IAM STILL ALIVE.... 

Hidden and Concealed - Her life denied

She died. On a cold december night. 
She was buried.... Buried ! My guardian angel !... In a small space inside the dirt...

I didn't have the stomach to see her being nailed in a coffin and entombed within a hole.

I ran... Away from my home... Away from her memories...


At some point, her memories caught up with me. I returned to our home. Everything we used was still in place, unmoved. Our room, our bed, her robes, her perfume... a sudden attack of fresh anguish struck me... I've irrevocably lost her... Her flawless face concealed for ever... I longed to see her... one last time...


I went to the cemetery. The sad, beautiful garden nurtured with human flesh.

I walked through the city of death. I found her space. "Loving wife, Devoted daughter, in the grace of God" . She is there, below the dirt, decayed. I sobbed. It was getting dark, The cemetery guard wanted me to leave. I didn't want to leave her. I tried to hide. I roamed around in the city of death, small compared to the other city, the living one and yet how much more have died than who are living .I reached the farthest part and hid there.


The angel of the night had spread her wings, darkness loomed. I came out. I walked slowly and quietly through the land full of dead people. There were tombs and crosses everywhere, I couldn't find where she was... Like a blind man, i wandered through the silent yard in the moonless night. My feet went through metal crosses, stones and broken flowers from the loved ones. With my fingers, i felt the name on every tomb... searching for the feel of hers...




Hours passed. I was still searching...

I was cold. My knees became weak. My breath deepening with my every step. I could not walk anymore. I cried. I've lost her even in her death... I cried... I shouted... I called her... I could feel the night getting more and more darker... blacker...I became unconscious...


They found me, the next day.... Lying on her grave unconscious.




My interpretation of the pic - The guy wants to be with her even after her death, visits secretly the land of the dead... just to seize a few moments with her alone.



P.S. -  Was prompted at WL to write a story abt this pic... n up above it is....

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Interview with The Devil's Advocate...

I'm screwed biiiiig time...
My good friend Shiva is playin the devil's advocate... n I'm the victim...

He has asked me a series of straightforward n explicit questions...for which i must answer honestly....

Note : this is gonna be a long long post.... read if you have time to kill... :-)

So here goes...(only my  honest n frank answers)

Q 1 how r u ? (its not a simple question by answering Fine or better but clg sucks, ward tortures

etc , it means how do u find ur self in this world , how u r to others ?
how r u in this environment )


A :  I'm not well...  As you've said n i agree college sucks big time this year... I'm being tortured prime time in the ward classes... posted along with 6 girls n me the single boy... am being singled out n scolded at by every single professor... I feel very much alone this year.... Pravin n pranesh in other postings... barely gettin time to speak wit em... but with aibu ganapaty arul n algin i'm doin okay in OP classes...  But still depressed n stressed out... seekin comfort in movies and blogging
Q 2. you show arun as a very composed guy who speaks only to his friends , not active in

expressing things , but in blogworld u r completely a different guy n extremely opp.
Dont u feel it a contradiction , wat if i say u live a Double Life ?



A :  Different personalities - Yes...  double life - No....  I dont differ in my opinions or beliefs in both real n blog world... its just that i'm good in expressing them in blog world...probably because i dont have to meet my readers face to face...





Q 3. You never look into others eyes while speaking that too while speaking to a stranger ?

U avoid eye contact bcos u dont mind them or u dont know to observe things?


A :  (huh....how did u notice this??...damn)  I dunno its something i've had from childhood... this and beginning most answers with "uuummm"....  may be because i'm uncomfortable while talkin to strangers... I'm awkward ... n i dont want to become more awkward by lookin into their eyes...





Q 4. Some say bloggers r a " Bunch of F***kS " n social dumbs, thats y they use this place

to express things . your comment on this statement ?


A : I don't think so... I'm kinda socially awkward... but am definitely not a F@#K... I use blogging to show my writes n to record memorable parts of my life... i cant do that anywhere else...





Q 5. Do u believe bloggers are expressing their true emotions ? Eg.when a gal writes against

dowry or male dominance and lots of guys comment as Cheers , hugs, genuine thought etc
do u beleive those guys r going to be The way they comment ?



A : About the example u've mentioned (dowry) ... i don't think anybody in blogosphere is gonna is gonna demand dowries... c'mon all of us are educated...

n on a general consensus... i think sometimes when a girl writes guy-bashing  and a guy writes girl-bashing posts... opinions tend to differ... sometimes even results in fights... i've seen that...

But i've also seen people write 'good thought' etc... on such posts... Dunno what their true intentions are, we can't get into their heads... they may be genuine or just pretenses....





Q 6. Do u ve pride of driving ur car to college ?



A : Not exactly pride... I first of all wanted a bike to college... Denied...mom n dad cited safety reasons... So only car... not exactly my first choice.. but am lovin it now... especially due to the AC n mp3 player... drivin is fun... n sometimes when i cut classes n cant go home... i jus take a nap at my car..





Q 7. Personal Diary Vs Blog ? which s the best ?



A : For me... blogging is the best...  I dont have much secrets to write in a personal diary...





Q 8. Do u think blog can reduce ur stress? since v r in final yr n being bombarded

with medical books do u feel a sign of relief after writing a blog?


A : Yeap... a thousand times yes.... writing stories or poems n concentrating on it.. is definitely is a stress breaker... n seeing somebody appreciate it... its just great...





Q 9. What s the purpose of having a blog ? Do u think it can bring any change in ur life ?



A : Purpose of havin a blog ... for me as i've said earlier... to record parts of my life n to write poems n stories... my writing skills have definitely improved a lot...

can it bring a change in life... I dont consider blogging that much seriously to influence my life...but there have been one or two posts now n then ... which make me wanna be a better person...





Q 10. You r going to become a Radiologist n continue ur parents Diagnostic Centres , then

marry a gal who ll be ur families distant relative or daughter of ur family friend.
Dont u feel ur life s a Already written script , dont you feel its boring to be in a
predictable way ?



A : (u r one damn good observer...)  Yeap... thats always one of my fears... Medicine-->> Radiology -->> Marriage to a nice gal....  I've even written a post about my feelings towards that...  read that to get a better view ...





Q 11. will you Love anyone madly n fight against the whole world for her?



A : Will I ..??  yes i hope so...

Have i... so far..??  nope...  Its pathetic....Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all... i'm currently in the second category... never have loved anyone so dear to life so far....  only have had one major crush... n a few silly puppy crushes...

Q 12. Have u got any dream that one day the whole world should turn your side ?



A : Oh...yeah... countless ones...  but most of em are just day dreams... like whole world, whole college turn to my side after i ve accomplished something extraordinary etc...

but also have a few meaningful dreams which i hope will become real... dreams which i will strive hard for...





Q 13. you r good or bad ? [ dont answer somewhere in between ]



A : Well u be the judge.... I'm kinda selfish, I'm lazy, I cheat on exams sometimes, I 'm not that god fearing, I scold my professors (behind their back of course)...

If iam to judge myself... knowing me... i would vote me as 'good' ... as i never cause harm to others... friend or enemy... n that i think is my best virtue...





Q 14. " bloggers write poem , thoughts , etc to just impress others n make believe this is their view . they do such things bcos they want to be noted , it s way of making cheap Show "... ur comment on the above statement ?



A : You are talkin about two different things... Showing off and Pretending ....

Speaking for me...I like showing off my writes...n impressing others n getting appreciation for my writes...but  I've never done pretentious posts.... I just write stories n poems about lost love n vampires.... n i've never been in love... he he... so i'm honest in all my posts... its just my imagination...thats all...

N speaking about others ... I've seen a few bloggers do pretentious writes in my short life in blogosphere... I hate their blogs n never visit them afterwards...







P.S.  -  Was a great experience answering these questions da... lovvvvvved it... helped me get a lotta things in perspective...



P.P.S  -  Dont start smiling yet.... I will strike back... definitely with more probing questions for you...